Live with our parents or live away from parents after marriage?

Living with parents or apart? Many couples think about these options before and after marriage. It's an important question. You should consider all pros and cons. Don't hurry. Be mindful.

In the following article an author explore the subject and provides a number of reasons for living with parents.

After marriage should we live away from parents?

Now a days me, Ketan and Abhay meet almost every Sunday at CCD. Though there is no limit on how much we can discuss software development, office, old memories and trip plans which 98% times fail. Abhay somehow started with a good idea and started brain storming on one of important topic.

All 3 of us are of age group 25-26. The topic was 'should we live with parents after marriage?'

Here are my thoughts -
Why should we live with our parents:
1. Emotions
In today's use and throw culture we hardly give attention to emotions. When I think of how much love I got from my parents I can not think of making them live alone (in my case now it is only my father). In most of the cases parents are of the age of 55-60 (at the time of their son's/ daughter's marriage).
They are already going through great paradigm shifts in life,
- generally this is age for retirement.
- this is also the age when most of the parents face health problems like joint pains or diabetes etc.
- just sometime before we are dependent on parents for money and support and scenario changes 180 deg in 5-6 years.
- after retirement they must be facing problem of loneliness
- for single parent the case is still difficult because they do not have anybody to share their emotions.

2. Breaking the good old systems
I have firm opinion that good systems take time to build and once broken they are difficult to fix. I am proud of Indian culture where family (actually joint family) system has evolved over the years.
Let me consider some practical advantages of living with parents
- You will always have a 100% reliable person at home. You need not to manage your time for servants as they can come any time of the day.
- 4-5 years after marriage when you have kids, you and your wife can continue your careers since your parents can take care of your kids.
- If your parents face some medial emergency it will be difficult for them to look for help without you. It will be much more quick if they face problem at your home.
- For those who invest in shares etc. your parents can act as investment consultant for you - it will be good time pass for them at home to keep track share market and parents are more reliable than brokers.

3. Finance
Living in separate houses means that paying for two houses and paying twice for every basic need of house.
- If living separately means buying 2/3BHK + 1BHK flat then I think it would be great to have a single 7-8 room luxury flat.
- If living separately means buying 2 TVs, 2 Fridge, 2 Washing machine then living together can at least save 1 fridge and 1 washing machine.
- as I said earlier by living together husband and wife can continue their career for more time.
- earlier point of investment consultant

4. Synergy
If synergy means
1 + 1 = 3
then what does 2 + 2 means?
In some families
2 + 2 = 3 (either wife or husband or either of parents is unhappy)
or in some other families
2 + 2 = 7 (this case from actually 3 + 3)

I will try to answer some of questions.

1. For many years, your parents life has always revolved around you. Give them a break.
Perfect - arrange for some short and long trips for your parents. Try to manage some family get together. It need not be 8-10 years break, 1-2 months is good in my opinion.
If your live separately from parents for 8-10 years (and in this period both parents as well as your family develops completely different way of living) then it is next to impossible to make healthy relation again.

2. In these modern times is it wrong to expect your wife to want to live with your parents?
No it is not wrong.
Fortunately still today's date we marry to girls who also belong to planet earth. This means that your wife will also have parents, and she will also expect some one to take care of them.
I will say that if your wife do not have brother then you should live with your parents and your wife's parents.
This also depends on your maturity while choosing wife.

3. In a husband-wife scenario, there are a lot of times when you definitely do not want your parents to be around
Well but as I said if you live in big house then this problem can be solved to good extent.
I myself value privacy very much - simple solution I choose is I tell others that I need privacy. I think similar thing should be told to parents if needed.

I think the answer to all above discussion is simple. Whether you can live with or without your parents more happily depends on -
have you developed a Fevicol ka majbut bond with parents or is it a abrasive bond - more you try to come closer more it hurts?

Though I am confused to some extent while writing this blog, I can say for sure that at least we should try living together first the second option is always possible.

Author: Ashish Sarode